Moneet’s plea of Will You Marrow Me? nets her a match

Moneet Mann, 24, started an awareness campaign Will You Marrow Me? after her cancer diagnosis last year. On Saturday, May, 24 Moneet and officials from the Canadian Blood Services’ OneMatch Stem Cell and Marrow Network are hosting a swabbing clinic at the Hershey Centre in Mississauga from 1-6 p.m.
Supplied photo

It was serendipity that led me to meet Moneet Mann, 24, and chronicle her journey.
The tiny stubs of hair on Moneet’s scalp when I met her reminded me of resilient crocuses that push through the earth at the end of winter and are considered harbingers of spring.
So, it came, as no surprise the steely determination in Moneet’s sparkling eyes as she talked about the cancer in her body would find a way to slay the dragon that had somehow intruded on her life and dreams.
Last Thanksgiving, after being handed a cancer diagnosis, a stunned and shocked Moneet underwent treatment at the Princess Margaret Hospital (PMH) in Toronto for acute myeloid leukemia, but doctors told her she would need a bone marrow transplant. Unlike blood donors, typically, bone marrow matches, are only found within the same ancestry.
Here’s the thing: even though there are currently some 22 million donors registered worldwide, South Asians make up for a small percentage. Take a good look at the depressing statistics: East Indians constitute a little over 3 per cent of registered donors and are at the bottom alongside blacks (1 per cent), aboriginals (1 per cent) and Hispanics (0.2 per cent).See chart here
So when faced against these odds, Moneet knew she had to take charge. Between cancer treatments and praying for a divine intervention, Moneet kept busy with her awareness campaign Will You Marrow me?
(The catchy title was the brainchild of Moneet’s cousin who one day called her excitedly and said he had the perfect name for her initiative. The rest, as they say, is history)
So far, Will You Marrow Me? has been educating desis on the importance of registering as marrow and stem cells donors. To that end, family and friends have collaborated with local temples and gurudwaras in the GTA to host swabbing clinics there so that the dismal number of donors on the Canadian Blood Services’ OneMatch Stem Cell and Marrow Network can see a surge in numbers.
Most people, if asked will tell you with absolute clarity, the precise moment their life changed. Moneet incidentally has two. The first? When she was told she had cancer and the other one happened recently.
Moneet recently learned a bone marrow match had been found. This is akin to winning a windfall because less than 25 per cent of patients who need stem cell transplants find a match in their family, most have to depend on an unrelated donor. Here’s how Moneet describes the ‘moment.’
“When I recently met the doctor, he began by saying, ‘one week ago we found…’ my heart dropped,” Moneet recalled. “I was so afraid he was going to say they found leukemia cells. Thank god, that was not the case and so he (doctor) continued, ‘we found your match.’ I was so ecstatic; I jumped off the hospital bed. The dark cloud had been lifted.”
As I write this, I can only imagine the potency of hope that resides in the Mann household now.
Their hard work with Will You Marrow Me? has garnered results. In December, the number of South Asians on the registry was 3.1 per cent, in March it has edged to 3.6 per cent.
“I am not saying it is because of Will You Marrow Me? but I am proud of my community members for taking a stand and registering,” Moneet said. “We need to build a pool of South Asian donors so that patients like myself have better chances of finding their donor.”
The Facebook page of Will You Marrow Me? currently has some 5,390 likes and thousands of shares.
“The fact that thousands of people were listening to my story and wanted to help, gave me the strength I needed to carry on,” Moneet told Toronto Desi Diaries. “I will continue to help others especially those in need of a stem cell and marrow transplant because I know how devastating the news of cancer can be and how difficult it actually is to find a match from within your own ethnicity/heritage.”
When Moneet was told she had leukemia last October, she was in the final year of a BA/B.Ed program at Lakehead University. Just a few days earlier, she and few of her friends, had taken part in the Dirty Girls Mud Run in Thunder Bay, Ont. in support of the Canadian Cancer Society. Little did she know, in a strange quirk of fate, she was in fact inadvertently supporting, not just the hundreds of others stricken by cancer, but herself.

Since it all began at a fundraiser, this August, Moneet’s friends will be taking part in the Dirty Girls Mud Run in support of Moneet.
Photo courtesy Facebook

On Saturday, May 24, Moneet will be at the Carassauga Festival at Hershey Centre (community rinks # 3) at 5500 Rose Cherry Place in Mississauga from 1-6 p.m. for a swab clinic.
Please drop by because cancer strikes without a warning and in a blink of an eye, the life you take for granted, can change—irreversibly.
For more information, visit here

Free Outgoing: A review and an interview

Anusree Roy as Malini and Asha Vijayasingham as Usha in Free Outgoing. The play ran at Factory Theatre recently and exposes the sexual hypocrisy of society.

The intimacy of a theatrical experience is doubly enhanced when the stage upon which the set is mounted is a mere whisper away from your eye. It’s as if you are a voyeur watching the domestic squabbles of your neighbour.

In Free Outgoing, the set felt familiar and authentic. My childhood memories of growing-up in a conservative South Indian family are replete with rituals and customs. Every South Indian home had this calendar marked with religious festivals, which the priest would give us at the start of the year. So, when I sighted the old familiar calendar stuck on one side of the wall of Factory Theatre’s set, I knew the ambience couldn’t get more South Indian than that. Anna Treusch, set designer, deserves kudos for pulling that feat.

All the action transpires within the four walls of Malini Haridas’ (Anusree Roy) home. Haridas, a single-mom to two teenagers, Deepa, a 15-year-old prodigal daughter and Sharan (Andrew Lawrie) an aspiring engineer, is a typical middle-class amma (mom), chugging along as a bookkeeper running a home business as well.

At first, Malini’s overly critical nature‑directed at her son seems harsh. It becomes evident early on in the story that it’s her accomplished daughter that holds the strings to her Mom’s heart. Malini’s love for Deepa shines on her face as she shows-off her daughter’s trophies to her somewhat slimy colleague (Ash Knight). The daughter’s fall from the pedestal upon which she was perched is particularly telling.

When shown a video clip of her daughter’s sex tape, Malini’s incredulous face is a mix of helplessness, anger and betrayal. Roy with her kohl-lined eyes, bright bindi (the dot worn on the forehead by Hindu women) and cotton salwar-kameez, drew us into her world and we watched it slowly collapse around her.

Roy, co-artistic director of Theatre Jones Roy and a well-known playwright herself, competently carried the 90-minute storyline on her shoulders with aplomb.

I was impressed by Kelly Thornton, the director’s ability to get under the skin of the issue. My familiarity with the South Indian culture and the understanding of the multimedia service (MMS) Scandal, as it became known in India gave me the perspective needed to enjoy Free Outgoing, but to others, unschooled in the rigid sociocultural climate of Chennai or the era in which the sex-tape surfaced, portions of the play may have been incomprehensible, confusing even.

Let me give another example of this disconnect. The sveltering and humid climate in Chennai means ones thirst is never fully quenched. Compound this with the fact that the city has a perennial water shortage and tap water is unfit for consumption. So, understandably, drinking water is a precious commodity. I doubt any other non-Indian audience member would have connected the recurring role the bottled water has in the play. I felt some of these ideas should have been North Americanized to give clarity to the plot.

I enjoyed the understated, yet brilliant performance of Ellora Patnaik who plays both the school principal and a member of the building’s tenant association. Her mannerisms were spot on. The playwright’s decision to not show us the daughter added a bit of intrigue.

To sum up, the play’s message and execution, stirred something in my heart. I couldn’t but help imagine the plight of the actual 15-year-old girl on whose life the play was based on. Was she able to move on or would one act of innocent curiosity follow her for life?

In conversation with Anusree Roy

Born and raised in India, Roy imbibed theatre. Her grandmother produced socially relevant plays to fundraise for Mahtma Gandhi’s non-violence movement. Roy says through art comes change and as an artist it behooves her to be responsible for work that brings about social change in society. The Toronto artist is the recipient of the K.M.Hunter Award, RBC Emerging Artist Award and The Carol Bolt Award.

TDD: Did Anupama’s script speak to you and help you understand Malini?

AR: Yes. Anupama’s script really spoke to me. I loved how fearless and
flawed Malini is and I was so drawn to her life story.

TDD: Why is Free Outgoing relevant to the times we live?

AR: It’s relevant because of how intensely technology surrounds our life.
The play is set in 2007, when the “birth” to the viral video began. It’s
such a cautionary tale of how things can spin out of control so fast.

TDD: What was the rationale behind the title (I am hoping Anupama shared
some insights)

AR: Anupama said that it meant two things to her: the idea of outgoing
call being free and how “free” and “outgoing” Deepa used to be before her
sex video went viral.

TDD: Share with us your experience interacting with Anupama?

AR: It was great. The cast and creative team had such a good time with her.
She toured Toronto a bit and we bonded over meals.

TDD: How has your social media experience been? Do you enjoy it?

AR: Yes, I am active on Facebook and twitter. It’s been a good experience
because I am very careful about what I put online and how much I choose to
share. Privacy is really important to me, so I am very particular.

The dilemma of protecting our daughters and sons in the digital age

Anusree Roy as Malini and Andrew Lawrie as Sharan in Anupama Chandrasekhar's Free Outgoing, which played at Toronto's Factory Theatre. Photo by John Lauener.

Anusree Roy as Malini and Andrew Lawrie as Sharan in Anupama Chandrasekhar’s Free Outgoing, which played at Toronto’s Factory Theatre recently. Photo by John Lauener.

On a recent Sunday, as I watched the plot of Anupama Chandrasekhar’s play Free Outgoing unfold in front of my eyes, I couldn’t but help shudder at the “what ifs”.

As a super cautious user of social media, all my actions are governed by the sobering thought that this seemingly innocuous technology has wrecked lives, ruined careers and even helped usher in a revolution or two in some parts of the world.

Free Outgoing is a wake-up call to parents of all teenagers. The 90-minute saga aptly exposed the double standards of a society that has no qualms whatsoever about verbally and psychologically lynching a young girl for her naive curiosity, while the boy, who I felt was equally culpable, went scot-free.

Here’s a bit of a background on the play’s genesis. In 2004, two students from a public school in New Delhi, India, filmed themselves having sex. The video of their act went viral. It wasn’t long before all major newspapers and television networks decided to cash in. The (multimedia messaging system) MMS scandal as it came to be known, fed the baser instincts of an entire nation and kept them riveted. At every opportunity, the so-called moral gatekeepers of Indian society chimed in with their viciousness. They ostracized and condemned the young girl and her family. For weeks, the girl’s family sat trapped in their apartment because an angry mob and a ruthless media stalked them.

A year later, Indian society’s blatant hypocrisy came to the surface yet again, when a well-known Indian actress (Khushboo) penned a newspaper column in which she urged all folks, including unmarried women, to practice safe sex. In Chennai, a city in India, steeped in so-called traditional values, Khushboo’s words caused a moral tsunami.

Anusree Roy and Ash Knight in Anupama Chandrasekhar’s Free Outgoing. The play exposed the sexual hypocrisy of Indian society. Photo by John Lauener.

Chandrasekhar, a business reporter from Chennai channelized her indignation into crafting a compelling play that exposes the sexual hypocrisy of Indian society.

“Free Outgoing was very loosely inspired by the two much reported incidents in India that outraged me,” explains Chandrasekhar, in the playwright’s notes. “It became quite evident that in cases where a girl/women’s sexuality is under social scrutiny, the penalty she and her family have to pay is quite out of proportion to the act committed.”

Kelly Thornton, artistic director, Nightwood Theatre—who directed the play here in Toronto — said she heard of Free Outgoing in 2007 when it premiered in London’s Royal Court Theatre. The theme connected with her on many levels.

“The world of the play sits on the precipice of technological blast off where now Twitter, Instagram, smart phones and sexting are much more than just part of our vernacular,” said Thornton. “We have created a world where lives can be changed overnight. Indeed technology is the great colonizer of our time, changing societies so rapidly that its effects are still relatively unknown. In many ways, it’s still a wild frontier…”

What disturbs me as a media professional and a mother is that success of any social media endeavor these days is gauged on an odd barometer—whether the image or idea went viral or not. The danger of this is, some important messages get diluted or are not heard because they did not feature a cat playing a piano.

Free Outgoing’s relevance, I realized is not limited to India, its central theme will eerily resonate with Canadians as well. Remember, Rehtaeh Parsons, a 17-year-old who took her life after being raped, then bullied on the Internet? What about Amanda Todd? Amanda, 15, committed suicide in her Port Coquitlam home because of the bullying she endured online after a topless picture of her was shared via social media.

I believe Free Outgoing should be shown in schools and other educational institutions as a public service message, because god knows, our children are oblivious to the danger of social media.

In my next blog, I will feature an interview with Anusree Roy, who played the lead role of the mother (Malini Haridas) in Free Outgoing. Stay tuned.

Pink Ladoos: empowering the community through dance

Nach Balliye, a dance group, started a grassroots movement here in the Greater Toronto Area (GTA) to celebrate the girl-child.
Photo courtesy Nach Balliye

The recipe to create pink ladoos is quite simple. It’s passion mixed with equal parts dance and activism, served with a dollop of empowerment.

Pink ladoos are not just about adding a rose-coloured hue to a dessert; it’s an extraordinary idea that celebrates the girl child and her arrival into a world that’s bent on rejecting her. It’s about letting the entire community know the precious bundle of joy swaddled in blanket needs human warmth and love as much as the boy child.

Licensed commercial pilot Sumeet Gill, 29, started Pink Ladoos, a grassroots movement in Canada this past year after a chance meeting with Dr Harshinder Kaur, a world-renowned activist from India few years ago. Despite death threats on her life by disgruntled critics, Dr. Kaur continues to carry on a passionate crusade against female feticide.

A father brings his daughter to the Lohri for Her, an event in Toronto by Nach Balliye, that celebrates girls.
Photo courtesy Nach Balliye

So impressed was Gill by the pediatrician from Patiala, India, she took time off from her work and followed her to Punjab. As Gill and the doctor travelled to remote villages talking to women, it became apparent the prejudice against girls was deep-rooted and stubbornly entrenched in the psyche of people. Horror turned to disbelief when Harshinder Kaur told Gill the gender ratio of boys to girls in Brampton, Ont. was even more distorted (higher) than that in Punjab.

“I was shocked when Dr. Harshinder Kaur told me the issue of female feticide was common here in Canada as well,” Gill said. “Her strategy was to reach out to youth in the GTA and appeal to them to reject old customs. I was very inspired by her. So, I arranged for her to come back and talk at a seminar I organized. At the seminar, the doctor spoke to us about the consequences of female feticide on the human race, not just one community. It was quite an eye opener.”

The talk lit a fire in the youth. Gill who was part of Nach Balliye, a dance group she and her friends formed to promote culture at that time, decided to use the power of dance to educate families. They turned Nach Balliye into a springboard of activism. Then, this past year, Gill and her friends started another grassroots movement in Canada—Pink Ladoos. The purpose of Pink Ladoos is to start a dialogue with Punjabi families shackled by outdated social norms.

How does it work? New parents, blessed with a girl register at Nach Balliye’s website. The Pink Ladoo team, dressed to the nines in traditional dresses, visits the home of the parents with a box of pink ladoos. Once there, they inject the home with with their dance and music. Then they connect with every member of the child’s family and talk to them about nurturing the girl.

“As a group we decided to come up with mechanisms to celebrate and focus on the positive,” said Gill. “We wanted to be part of the solution. I believe if we bang on doors long enough, they will open.”

Lohri is a harvest festival celebrated by the Punjabis. Lohri for Her, a grassroots movement recreates a scenic village in Punjab to host its annual event.
Photo courtesy Nach Balliye

Dr. Harshinder Kaur serves as a GPS for the Canadians. While she continues to work—at the macro level — with various governments and international agencies such as United Nations (UN) orchestrating policy changes to curb female feticide, Nach Balliye is attempting to change the mindset of people at the micro level through Pink Ladoos and Lohri for Her, an annual event where the girl child is celebrated during the harvest festival of Lohri.

“We are not an event, we are a movement,” says Neeli Grewal, one of the members of Nach Balliye. “Pink Ladoos is a validation for the family to celebrate the girl-child. Our vision is to raise awareness of the issue of gender-selection by going door to door. Our movement is already creating a ripple effect. In just few years, we hope to make Lohri for Her a Canada-wide initiative with events taking place simultaneously across different cities in Canada.”

For more information visit http://www.lohriforher.com.

Canada’s shameful secret – female feticide

A girl gets her painted in Chandigarh, India to create awareness of the disturbing practice of female feticide. (Reuters)

Ladoos are a popular Indian dessert made up of chickpea flour, sugar and few other ingredients. Gifting a box of ladoos to someone means you are in essence sharing with them an occasion that warrants a celebration—engagement, wedding, new job and what not.

It’s customary to distribute these warm golden coloured sugary balls to neighbours and friends at the arrival of a male child, but when the wail of a newborn turns out to be that of a girl, in some homes, the news is greeted with a pall of gloom. The sub-text here is clear — a girl-child does not merit the ladoo. Her arrival is unwelcome. The girl child is considered a burden on her parents.

While the purpose of this blog is to present the cultural snapshot of South Asians in Toronto, it would be remiss of me, if I glossed over or entirely ignored the unsavory truths. These stories need to be told even though the reality may be unpalatable to some. Let’s talk about this elephant in the room —Female feticide.

The custom of aborting female fetuses is especially prevalent among some South Asians and Asians here in the Greater Toronto Area and in Vancouver. In India and China the issue is largely driven by prejudice, outdated practices and poverty. So, it’s inexcusable that, it’s allowed to happen on Canadian soil. I blame inadequate policies, affordability and the ease with which parents can opt for sex determination and abortion as the reasons why we are having this unpleasant conversation.

Let me begin by first observing female feticide is not exclusive to the South Asians, it’s disturbingly common in other countries like India, Korea and China where a male offspring is preferred. Along with all the other imports of tradition, this ugly custom, has somehow found its way here in the Greater Toronto Area (GTA) and that’s the sad part.

Two years ago, Toronto’s St. Michael’s hospital undertook a study: Sex ratios among Canadian live born infants of mothers from different countries and analyzed 766,688 births that took place in Ontario between 2002 and 2007 and found mothers, transplanted from South Korea and India were ‘significantly’ more likely to have boys for their second child. The report raised concerns that sex-selective abortion was happening right here under our noses.

Ladoo is a popular South Asian treat that’s given when a family welcomes a male child.

“Our findings raise the possibility that couples originating from India may be more likely than Canadian-born couples to use prenatal sex determination and terminate a second or subsequent pregnancy if the fetus is female,” reads the study, published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal.

This has skewed the gender balance. According to StatsCan’s 2006 census figures, there are 932 girls to 1,000 boys under age 15 in the South Asian community. Compare this to the ratio for Canadian-born mothers: 105 boys for every 100 girls. The numbers in the South Asian community in the Toronto area become much more pronounced: According to the Toronto Star, the stats show 904 girls to 1,000 boys in Mississauga, Ont. and 864 girls to 1,000 boys in Brampton, Ont.

Even though these numbers are telling, the silver lining on this dark cloud, is that sex-selective abortion is not — thankfully — a common practice here in Canada. Only a small percentage of people practice this vile custom. Even that will slowly change because changing demographics of the population in the GTA means the young and educated parents born and raised in Canada are rejecting gender biases. Many young women are raising awareness.

In my next blog, I will feature the heart-warming story of how a group of young women issued a clarion call to the community to reject old-fashioned customs and the rising groundswell of support for their cause.

Toronto Desi Diaries

Sights, sounds and stories of South Asians in Toronto

Elephant in the room